The Essence of Connection: A Love Story

Oct 27, 2023


Yesterday, Sandra Heim and I were getting ready for a webinar we’re holding next week in German on the topic "The Miracle of Connection".

While preparing and considering what we wanted the webinar participants to explore and experience, we found ourselves immersed in a deeper feeling.

The feeling began to emerge as Sandra discussed two distinct levels of awareness in personal relationships.

The first was the "fact-based" level. On this level, we focus on what’s been said and done, or what’s not been said and done, and how it’s right or wrong.

On this level of awareness, we invest our emotional energy, emphasizing specific actions and events and 'building a case'.

  • To a teenager: "You didn't help with putting away the groceries again – I can't do everything by myself while you sit on the couch buried in your phone."

  • To a life partner: "We haven't been intimate for 104 days, and you avoid talking about it. Can't you just tell me what's wrong – why don't you want to be with me?"

The truth is, even if we gather many 'undeniable facts' and feel like somehow we're winning, ... deep down, we know it's not a real victory – we can sense our relationship suffering.

It’s on the second level of awareness that a profound shift occurs: on the “essence-based” level.

This is so good ...

At the core of every human being, there is an irrefutable essence. We know it. We feel it. We also have it within us.

It is what we connect with and through. It is why we love when we love ❤️❤️.

It is how we unite and knock out all kinds of easy, everyday tasks, and also overcome apparent impossibilities together. 🤝✨

Being in connection – essence with essence – comes with a beautiful feeling and powerful possibilities. I know you know it!

In recent years, I faced this in one of my most significant relationships ...

It was an incredibly challenging situation, one where anyone you asked would agree that I was right and the other person was wrong.

Honestly, there were many times when I gathered proof of how I was mistreated – instances where I was lied to, poorly communicated with, or felt abandoned.

Many times, I remained on Level 1, presenting my facts and making my case – albeit lovingly – to this person, whom I felt was causing me immense pain.

Then one day unexpectedly, I re-awoke to our 'essence', which I knew to be one of the most transformative forces on Earth.

I realized I could simply stop focusing on surface-level appearances and gathering facts.

Instead, I started paying more attention every time I felt that deep 'essence to essence' connection with this beloved person.

I truly began looking for that profound sense of connection we shared (that had been there all along!).

And there we were …

  • sharing more laughter than tears, embracing more often than debating facts, and genuinely delighting in each other's presence.

  • having fresh experiences and creating new memories together, instead of dwelling on past mistakes or worrying about what the future holds.

  • doing our best to understand each other's thoughts and feelings and wanting the best for one another ... while expecting way less from each other.

It felt like a miracle, and it was one!

Have all our problems vanished and is everything always perfect? Certainly not!

However, rooted in our essence, our relationship continues to be a constant miracle of connection, bringing immense joy, learning, and growth.

I hope what I shared today helped you see something new in your most important relationship/s! 🙏 🤗

I'm heading to the South of Spain.

Talk to you again soon!

So much love ❤️


If you know someone who could benefit from the understanding of the "3 Principles", please share this link with them:

It's a great way to dive in and get introduced to the teachings of Sydney Banks via Storytelling.


If you want to deepen your understanding of the "3 Principles" and transform your life and relationships, just reply to this email. I'm happy to hop online with you for a relaxed chat about where you are and where you want to be.


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