When Insight Heals What Effort Can’t
Why do some moments shift us forever, and others change nothing despite all our effort?
There was a time in my life when I was in a lot of pain, actual physical pain. For four years, the entire left side of my body hurt so badly that I could barely sleep at night.
It was difficult to bear, but the mental pain was worse. I would lie awake, haunted by the thought that something was seriously wrong with me, that I might even die from it.
Even though part of me knew this probably wasn’t true, the thought still made me anxious and heavy with dread.
I saw all kinds of doctors searching for answers. But no one could find a cause. Eventually, a specialist told me it was “all in my head.”
That made me furious! It felt like he was saying it wasn’t real.
I tried so many things to feel better — painkillers, cognitive behavioral therapy, walking, osteopathic treatment — you name it. Some of it helped, but nothing brought lasting relief.
And then, quite unexpectedly, the pain disappeared one day, just like that.
It sounds miraculous, I know. But it happened. And I didn’t have to do anything to make it happen.
I did see something, though. Something that shifted everything.
But back then, I didn’t understand how change works. I didn’t know that we're always just one moment, just one insight, away from a completely different experience of life.
Maybe you’re waiting for an explanation?
Here you go: It wasn’t the result of figuring anything out.
It came in a quiet moment, when I wasn’t seeking, just somehow more still than usual.
And in that space, something settled that relaxed my soul.
I had recently quit my job and was trying to figure out what to do with my life. Through a friend, I had learned about an introductory coach training weekend in Bielefeld.
At the time, finding out if coaching might be a good career fit seemed like a great idea.
The training was professionally run, but some group exercises were way out of my comfort zone. Imagine quacking like a duck and waddling across a room full of strangers.
I got through it…
And on the final day, the program ended with a gently guided, trance-like exploration. That’s when my otherwise busy mind settled just long enough for something new to break through, something I hadn’t consciously considered before.
Out of nowhere, I had a fresh thought:
“I’m not the daughter of an asshole. I’m the daughter of a confused, hurting man… who hurt me, innocently. I don’t have to carry that story anymore.”
Suddenly, a memory of handwritten letters floated into my mind: poems my father had written to my mother, anticipating my birth with love and playfulness and calling me “melon head.” (My mom ate A LOT of melons during her pregnancy with me!)
Another new sight from within arose:
“I came into this world very loved. Deeply loved.”
That’s what I saw… fresh and new, out of nowhere. That’s when my soul relaxed. And apparently, my whole body with it. That’s when my pain disappeared.
Change can happen in an instant.
Transformation, not from effort, but from seeing differently, happens all the time.
Allow me to give you another example.
I was working with a client who lives in Hamburg. She had moved there after graduating from high school to start her independent life as a young adult.
At first, it was exciting. She quickly got a job, found a cute little apartment, made friends, and even started dating someone she really liked. On the outside, everything was going well.
But on the inside, she felt flat — emotionally shut down.
Every morning, she woke up with dread in her head, worried about how she would get through the day, anxious about whether she was productive enough, unsure of where her life was going.
When the anxiety got too much, she’d call in sick to work, skip her college classes, and spend the whole day lying in bed, doom-scrolling on her phone.
She called it her “zombie mode,” and hated being in that state. She desperately wanted to feel better, find something meaningful to focus on, and get up and do something.
During one of our calls, we were reflecting on her future, her options, and whether it might be okay not to know her career path yet. What if she could just enjoy her life for now?
And then, something shifted.
Her face softened, her body relaxed. She looked at me and said,
“Shailia, I just realized something… I don’t have to take things so seriously.”
In that moment, she saw through the thoughts paralyzing her. She became fully present, and I could see calm and clarity settle into her eyes. A smile of relief spread across her face.
A few weeks later, she showed up to our next call radiant and energized. She had finished a new video project and was once again immersed in the creative process she loved.
She’d had an insight that lifted her into a lighter feeling and sparked a fresh wave of inspired action.
No pushing. No effort. No discipline or willpower required.
From one moment to the next, she simply saw something new, something wiser… and everything began to shift.
You may want to change something in your life and are wondering how to do it without struggle.
Well, I’ve repeatedly seen that the answer lies in insight… literally in seeing inside.
But how can you tell the difference between insight and intellectual understanding?
Let’s make the distinction.
Intellectual understanding lives in the mind. It’s about concepts, theories, and mental effort. Often it looks like a ‘should.’ It can be helpful, but it stays in the realm of thinking.
You know something, but it doesn’t really change anything.
Take one of my clients from Zurich, for example.
She wanted to cut back on how much alcohol she was drinking. She knew it wasn’t good for her health and was affecting her work. And she admitted that showing up hungover on Monday mornings was not a great look.
Logically and intellectually, she also understood all the reasons to stop. But that didn’t change her behavior.
If anything, it just added guilt to a habit she already considered an absolute “no-go.”
That’s the nature of intellectual understanding: it lives in the head, but doesn’t move the needle.
Insight, on the other hand, comes from beyond the busy mind.
It’s quieter, deeper.
It doesn’t come from trying to figure things out. It comes when we quiet down and see something fresh. And in that moment, our experience shifts… without effort.
You don’t have to write it down or repeat it to remember. You feel it, and it lands in your body and soul.
Truth becomes obvious. What felt heavy becomes light. What seemed complicated becomes simple.
Later, things changed naturally when that same beautiful client reconnected with her innate sense of aliveness.
She started doing more things she enjoyed — playing tennis with friends, going for long walks with her children, and spending more time outside with her dog.
An insight surfaced in that space of aliveness: She realized she had only been drinking out of loneliness.
That simple truth changed everything. No willpower required. Just clarity.
You might be asking yourself: Is it possible to gain insight right when you need it or want it?
We’d all love that… if we could press some kind of button to download insight exactly when we’re stuck or struggling.
But insight doesn’t work that way.
It’s not something we produce through effort or pressure. In fact, the more we strive for insight — trying to “figure it out” or force clarity — the more noise we add to the system.
Insight arises in the absence of mental noise.
It comes when the mind settles, when we stop grasping and allow space for something clear to come through.
So no, we can’t control when insight arrives.
But we can create the conditions for it: gentleness, openness, curiosity… and above all, mental quiet.
Ironically, insight often comes not in the moment we’re straining for answers, but in the space afterward, once we’ve let go.
You may not get the insight you want precisely when you want it. But you’ll get what you need when you’re ready to see it.
“Is insight available to me, Shailia? It doesn’t feel like it!”
I often hear this… from clients, friends, and even people sitting quietly in the back of the room during a class or workshop.
One of my clients even once joked that he must be an outdated model of human (like an early robot series!) because he didn’t seem to have the “insight function” everyone else had.
I get it.
When you feel stuck, low, overwhelmed, or lost… it’s easy to believe that clarity is only available to other people, people who are more spiritual, stable, and connected.
But here’s what I know deep in my bones: Insight doesn’t belong to a special few. It’s not reserved for the wise, the calm, or the healed. Insight is built into every single one of us. It’s part of the design.
It’s not something you have to earn or deserve—it’s something you already have. It may just be covered up by layers of thought, worry, or pressure to “get it right.”
It might not feel available right now, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. The feeling of disconnection doesn’t mean you are disconnected. It just means you’re caught up in your thinking.
Think of it like the sun behind the clouds. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it disappeared. It’s still shining — always — waiting for a clearing.
And that clearing? It doesn’t come from trying harder. It comes from slowing down, even for a moment. A sigh. A walk. A tiny shift in awareness.
So, yes, insight is available to you! Even when it doesn’t feel like it. So if nothing else, let this land gently in you:
You don’t need to fix yourself. You don’t need to think harder. You’re already built to see something new, something that can shift everything, quietly, from the inside out.
Until then, maybe just let things settle.
You never know what might come through the quiet.
Much love,
Shailia
